Free!

I have just returned from the Southbrook Women's retreat that was up in the NC mountains. It was a true moutain top experience for me. I went up to try and be still long enough to hear the Lord speak....and guess what, He showed up...Big Time! If you have been reading my blog, you know a little about what I have been through and what the Lord is taking me through right now. I have a hard past and a ton of pain that I have carried for a long time. Sometimes, I have even let the Lord carry it for me, but somehow (for what ever reason) I would always take it back...it was just who I was...what I was about. BUT (and that is a big BUT) the Lord chose this weekend to ask for it back. He spoke loud and clear..."IT IS TIME, Wini!" I realized that I have been defining myself by my past. Wini is...the pain, the hurt, the dissappointment, the mistakes, the sin (mine and others), the guilt, the secrets, the bad decisions...all of it...that is who I am. BUT (there it is again) the Lord said "NO! Wini that is not who you are! You need to look at yourself through my eyes. How I see you, what I want for you, what I want you to do for me!" I pleaded with the Lord to stop...I can't be those things...don't you see what I have come from...are you really looking at me? As I plead with Him to take a closer look, He only knelt down beside me and took the KEY from his pocket and gently unlocked the chains and burdens that I had been carrying for all those years. Then the soft whisper to my heart "You are Free, my love, Free!". The tears came so quickly after that and of course turned into sobs...could this be true? Am I truly free of all the pain... The last day of the retreat, they asked if there was anyone that wanted to stand and give a tesimony to what the Lord had done this weekend. Oh, Lord, I really don't want to stand up...These ladies don't need to know all my stuff. You have to, He said. So, I stood and began to share my heart and how it had been buried under years of pain and hurt and how I had defined myself by my past. The Lord had told me that it was time for this to be finished...the pain was done and I was no longer a slave to it. He is taking me on a journey and I am not sure what it is going to look like, but I know that He wants to teach me, show me who I am in HIM. What He wants from me....what He has purposed for me. Romans 3:24 was my verse for the weekend and He has given me that Freedom to be what He wants. I am not sure Who that is or what my journey is going to look like, but (there's another one) I know one thing: I am FREE!