Sunday, December 23, 2007

Pixie Dust Prescription

Is it possible that just a little pixie dust can cover a multitude of childhood issues? I am here to tell you that it can! There was such a healing of my heart while we were at Disney. I never had the chance to go on any trips with my dad, or as a family. There was no such thing as a vacation in my family. I went with my mom and step-dad and little sister when I was in my teens years (not a great time to go on your first trip to Disney) and I was not excited to be there. Of course, I have to admit that I was not excited to be anywhere with my mom and step-dad at that time in my life (and when did that change exactly? oh, never mind). All that being said, it was healing to be in a place where families are celebrated and I got to celebrate my family (surprizing, huh?). I got to spend great time with my kids and it was fun. I got to enjoy it all with Terry by my side. There are just so many bad memories from times with my family, but here I was in Disney doing it different, really having some great memories with my kids and with Terry. I was finally doing something different from my mom! It would just hit me at weird times while we were in the park....riding the Dumbo ride, twirling in the teacups, dancing with the princesses, or fighting Peter Pan....we are a real family and we are in this thing, this life together.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Distraction


What a great distraction from all that I have been going through. I have to tell you that I was a little worried that I would be a little overwhelmed with being at Disney and having just met my Dad for the first time in over thirty years....figuring out how to tell my mom that I have met him, and that I like him (yikes!), and just all the other childhood stuff that I have been dealing with, BUT... it just has not been that way. The Lord has once again protected me so that I can just enjoy this time with my family and just have fun! I mean real fun! It has been so awesome! This is better than what any anti-depressant that I could take. Thank you Lord, for you know me better than any, and you know what I need!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Our View!


I just had to blog about Disney World! I mean, the magic is real. We are having the time of our lives (and that's just Terry and I :o) The kids are beside themselves they are having so much fun and I have to admit, I never thought that it would be so much fun just to watch them having fun....does that make sense...oh well, you know what I mean. The picture that I am posting is the view from our hotel room...I mean we are within a five minute walk to the Magic Kingdom (which might I add definitely lives up to it's name!) I love this, I love doing this with my family. I love all of it!

Sunday, December 16, 2007


Christmas has come early for our family. We are off to Disney World in FL to have a grand time for a whole eight days!! I have to admit that it is a welcome break from all the stuff that I am attempting to process through. I will only have to think of whether to ride Dumbo or Peter Pan for the next eight days. I can't wait. That is the kind of burden that I live for :o) So, I will say Hi to the big Mouse for you all and see you after Christmas!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

so?

So, everyone wants to know......how does all this make you feel? I have come to one conclusion very quick (even for me since I am a VERY LONG processor). I have come to realize that I needed more. Well, you say, that tells me nothing! Let me explain...
I know that Christ is supposed to complete me, to fill me up, to be my sufficiency. However, I have to admit that I was yearning for more, for something else, although, had you asked me I would not have been able to place what that thing was. I have been living my life with no answer, no reason to all that pain that has come from my childhood. Why did my dad leave? Was it me, or something else? I have no idea...
I met with my dad and I have to admit, my life is different. I know that Christ is supposed to be enough, but right now, in my little piece of the world, meeting my dad was life-changing. I am a different person. I see myself in a new way. The question if I looked like him?.... do I act like him?....is he funny like me?....is he a good man?... does he know me?
Well, now I know. I know that he wanted to see me and that he tried to. I was wanted. He wanted to know me , to see pics of me. He wants a daughter, a daughter named Wini....even better.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Me and My Dad


So, you know me, I had to bring my camera when I went to meet my dad. I thought you guys would love to see a pic of me and him! Do you think that we look alike? I would love to hear what you think :o)

Sunday, December 9, 2007

went for a Hamburger, came out with a Crabcake


I just knew that I was going to puke! I was sitting in our truck waiting for Terry to open my door so that I could enter a new chapter in the novel of my life. I was getting ready to meet my dad, Jim. Who would have thought, I mean, have you read the past few entries in my blog? This was a lost cause... The fire was out, the trail was cold....all hope was gone. And then GOD enters from stage right. All the sudden here I am getting ready to meet him. I mean, really meet him. I have to stop thinking about this or I really am going to puke! We walk into the restaurant, he is already there waiting on us. Will I know which older man he is, will I be able to pick him out of the crowd?....Do I see him? Yes, there in the back. I picked him out (that was weird) I knew it was him immediately! He looked nice and....he had a HUGE smile on his face....ok stay calm...WOW, he is really tall...oh crap I think that he is going to hug me...ok, I have let go and he is still hugging me. This is weird, but somehow comfortable and I think ...well, let's not go there yet. Jim immediately started talking about his trip down and there was no pause in the conversation after that. It was great. We talked about his life, all that he has done, the jobs that he has had, his wife, the traveling they have done, and on and on and on. He wanted to know all about the kids and why I stayed at home with them. He was interested in finding things that we had in common. I could not stop staring at him (I am sure that he thought that I was a freak) but every time I looked at him I saw some other way that I looked like him or talked like him. He told me all about his family and what it was like for him growing up. Before I knew it lunch was over and we weren't done talking. Thankfully Terry suggested walking over to Starbucks...Jim quickly agreed and we were off. We sat outside at Starbucks and talked for another two hours and as it quickly became time for us to go, I am not sure that either one of us wanted to part ways. Jim asked for my address and I wanted his too, but forgot to ask for it in all the excitement. We exchanged all our important info and hugged while we said good bye. Through misty eyes and a quick laugh, Jim (my dad:o) suggested that he did not want it to be as long before we saw each other again. I laughed, but only to hide the fact that I was getting emotional. I needed to get out of there quick. But, Jim would not have it. He had to hug me another two or three times, and then finally released me to say goodbye. It was hard for both of us, but we got in our separate trucks. As he pulled out, he waved and honked the horn for the final farewell and then, he was gone. I could still smell him on my shirt and it made me miss him already. All I could think about was one thing that he had told me. He came down here just to see me. I loved my lunch with Jim....with my dad.ok, so it wasn't the hamburger and sweet tea that I was expecting...instead it was a crab cake with ice water that sat long enough to make a ring of condensation on the tablecloth.

Saturday, December 8, 2007

Are you sitting down?


My dad called today. No, I am not kidding. I know, I know...your mouth is on the floor. Well, mine was too. I was in the Dr office with my son and I got a call. Well, I was talking to the nurse and did not even look to see who it was. She walked out of the room and I picked up my phone. 1 missed call it said. I hit the button and JIM clicked up..... What?! This must be wrong. My phone says that JIM called. I shut the phone and laid it down....and then it happened. BEEP...BEEP...BEEP... You guessed it, I had a voicemail. Are you serious? He left me a message?!? ok....ok...what should I do? Should I listen to it now....here in the middle of the Dr office or should I wait?...yes that is what I will do... I will wait. Oh shit, I can't wait. I want to know what he wants, or what he said. No, be realistic Wini, what if it is bad (always my first thought:O) I am not going to want that kind of news here in the middle of a Dr office. No, let's try to be an adult and just be patient.....Oh, I have never been good at this kind of thing, this waiting thing. I just don't have it.....well, not a lot of it. So, I do what needs to be done with the Dr and then get out to the truck. Here I sit, yet again, in my truck looking at my phone to answer so many of the childhood issues of my life. I click the button to listen to the voicemail. Hey Wini, this is your....I am on my....just wanted to.... No, I am not kidding. I was ready to throw this damn phone out the window and across the parking lot. Mine or His phone's signal was bad when he left the message. I could not hear one thing that he was saying.....You have got to be kidding me!! Is there ever anything in my life that is easy?? So, I decided, well, I have come this far. I might as well call him back.....now, what to say...oh, screw it...don't think about it Wini, just call him. And that is just what I did. Ring....Ring....Hello? Hey Wini, I just wanted to let you know that I am on my way into town and I just didn't know if you would have some time this weekend to get together? I almost hit the median!