Wednesday, August 6, 2008

He loves me...He loves me not?


I often check on my kids at night right before I go to bed. It is just something that I have always done and now...it is mostly done out of ...well I just have always done it. I try to open their door as quietly as I possibly can and creep into the room without being heard. And then it happens...the first look at their face in the dim light of their mostly dark room and I am overwhelmed with love...pure, uncomplicated love. There is so much love in that moment that it is a struggle for me not to just scoop them up and kiss on them and hold them as tight at humanly possible without crushing them. I have really been dealing with the fact of Do I really believe that the Lord loves me...I mean, like really loves me. Do I truly think that He loves me so much that it is a battle for him not to scoop me up and hold me close in the middle of the night? Does He see me that way...or think of me like that? Last night as I began my nightly tour of the kids rooms it hit me. When I open that door and see their sweet face in the dim shadow of the nightlight...I am not thinking about the bad choice that they made at 3:03 that afternoon...or the clumsy spill of the ENTIRE milk carton onto the kitchen floor... or the unmerciful hitting of sisters with the pirate sword. I am not thinking of anything that they have or have not done. I just love them....right there in that moment it is not about anything BUT the fact that they are my kids and I love them so much just because.....well, just because they are mine! I was so overwhelmed at the picture that the Lord was unfolding right before my eyes....You want to know how I love you, Wini? Look at your kids.....How do you love them? I mean, does God have to stop Himself from kissing us because well, there is only so many kisses that a kid can take at one time? Does He cringe when He has to watch us make the same wrong choice over and over again? Does He cry with us over the silly boo-boo that somehow we think is going to end our ability to walk for the rest of our lives? Does His heart ache just to sit and talk with us...to share life with us? Last night I figured out the answer and guess what ....YES...He does love us like that! He wants to love us just because we are HIS. There is nothing that I can or can not do to make God love me or not love me. There is nothing that I can give Him, or do for Him to make He love me more.....There is nothing that I can chose to do, or sin that I can commit that can make Him love me any less! That is what GRACE is all about.....