Boundaries

I am reading this book called "Boundaries" and it has brought a lot things to mind, like my entire life, as in without any boundaries. Not sure how I grew up without ever learning this, but I did. I am reading this book with shock on my face most of the time. It is explaining a lot of how my unhealthy relationships have developed that way because of my lack of boundaries. I let people manipulate me. Oh, for sure, if you met me in person you would never think that this is true. However, I am here to tell you that it is. I have a hard time saying No, or I don't think that is Right, or whatever you want to fill in that blank with. I somehow equate LOVE with saying YES. and I equate being UNLOVED or NOT LOVING with saying NO. Yes, I know that this sounds screwed up, but this is how I have lived the first 32 years of my life. All my childhood wounds (and teenage years wounds) have conditioned me to think this way. I am coming to terms with the fact that this single belief that I hold to has impacted me in so many ways........and in ways that I still have yet to see. That is scary! How do I change that about me? How do I, after 32 years of living this way, all the sudden just CHANGE? And that leads me to think....What was the Lord doing with me all these years. I know that He saw me while all this wounding was happening. I know that He was with me during all the pain. I know that He carried me when I could no longer put one foot in front of the other. I know all this, BUT why did He let it ever get that far?